Hit me. Like a ton of Bricks.

They couldn’t find the heart like they wanted. So we went for a second. My new favorite thing, targeted ultrasounds. I have always been a pretty blessed individual in the gene section. No major health issues, lots of hair on my head, and thankfully a fast metabolism. I never had to worry about my weight. I guess I still don’t but I swear, and I am not saying this to sound conceded, the worst part of pregnancy for me is seeing that number go up. I have never weighed this much and it’s been extremely difficult to deal with not fitting into my favorite jeans, having to make new holes in my belts, and seeing my full face. Brian keeps telling me to not worry, it will come off quickly and that it’s good to gain weight right now. I am gaining it only in my stomach, nothing else is growing but my tolerance of mirrors is now maxed. Yet those feelings came to an abrupt halt this morning. My first targeted ultra sound was about two months ago and it was good. Not great. He was wiggly, the tech was boring and fast and she couldn’t get a good shot of the heart. I wasn’t feeling his movements yet, it wasn’t real. Now, Zach and I have pushing contests. He pushes against my stomach, makes it bulge, and I push him back. He kicks like he is swimming and rolls like he is on a rollercoaster. He is there. It’s real. But this morning….wow. I am just going to attempt to describe it. Attempt, which may end in failure because it was so incredible.

His head is down, and feet are up. Up on the right side kicking a lot. He is biting his umbilical cord and drinking his own urine. All good signs. His extremities consist of two hands, two feet and ten phalanges on each. Two eyes, one nose and one mouth. He has the perfect heart, pumping as it should and all the ribs to protect his vitals. His brain is perfect, no concerns, just sitting there inside is tiny skull. He is 15 inches long and 2.5 lbs. Our due date is right on. October 13th, 2011. Doesn’t seem like that exciting does it? Except for the fact that it’s utterly and completely amazing that we created a human life.
Two things really strengthened in me this morning; I am growing a child, that in every way is perfect and I need to stop being so selfish, and the other, HOLY CRAP THE CHURCH IS TRUE. It’s not just enough to argue that science is sufficient to defend the creation of life. It’s too complicated. Too thought out. Too involved and to miraculous. Science doesn’t go to the depth of survival and mechanics like having the child swimming in a fluid that he urinates in, then drinks, takes practice breathes and lives in for months at a time, in order to prepare for the world out of his protective bubble. I scoff at science and those that don’t believe in the creation. Scoff I say. How can you not believe? No way is it possible that from monkey’s we were formed. Doesn’t make sense, again I scoff. I stopped worrying about my weight, about what I was going to do after he is born and truly realized that in a few short months, I was going to hold my baby boy in my arms. I have done a lot in my life, and my siblings and I have accomplished various undertakings. I have graduated high school top of my class, was seminary vice president, had/still have the best group of friends a teenager could ask for, paid my way through college, married a returned, wonderfully supportive, respective missionary, graduated college, have the best relationship with my siblings in the world, stayed out of debt, and so on. And this list is embarrassing to some of the accomplishments my siblings have done. Yet I hold this pride, this above all feeling that this is the biggest achievement out of them all, mine and Brian’s private little triumph of doing things right, in the right way at the right time. It’s nothing we flaunt, and billions of people have done it before us, but to me, it’s bigger than anything I have seen in my 23 years on this earth.
So what was my favorite part about this morning beside the fact that I can actually tell what my little boy is going to look like? We saw his femur. I don’t know why, and it might be silly, but his legs are so defined and strong that we saw, bright as day, his cute little femur. It couldn’t have been more than 2 inches long, but it was surrounded by muscle, veins, skin and blood. He is growing and I think that his cute, strong femur really set that in stone for me. I have a healthy baby boy. Also his nose. He has Brian’s nose no doubt. Short, cute and perfect. I hope he gets a lot of Brian’s attributes. His face is flawless, arms are strong and his personality is calm but active. He moves when we need him to move and he is calm when we need him to be calm. I haven’t been over protective this pregnancy; I have lived like I have always lived. A few alterations in my diet, (heating up my lunch meat sucks) but other than that, I want him to get use to life the way it will be out of the womb. I don’t know if you can tell how your child will behave outside, but he is going to be a wonderful boy. He has Brian’s personality already. Strong, determined and mindful of others needs. See you soon Zachy.