Plethora

Various events have taken place in the last few weeks that have influenced my thought processes and the way I perceive the world and the people in it. The past two years have been extremely lively and if I may, comparable to hell on earth at moments. First my best friend, vent companion, left for two years to live in a foreign, desolate, unknown country and to leave me without my goofy, second half. He gets me. I can say something that sounds out of the blue and completely obscure, but he knows exactly what I am referring to. That sounds pretty selfish. He went on a mission to serve the lord and witness to those searching, of the everlasting atonement and of Christ and his glory. He did a good job.

Second, I blew out my knee again, but this event demanded surgery and months and months of rehab….and no soccer playing….awesome. If you even know me even a diminutive amount, you know that above all my skills and hobbies, which are limited, soccer is in my blood. It was devastating and I don’t know how many times Brian held me in his arms as I cried because I just couldn’t play. It was temporary, yes, as all things are, but humans don’t see things as provisional. It was hard to look past.
Third, I changed jobs, started the grueling part of my schooling; student teaching and Brian lost his job. OK that last one was actually three but I thought I would just get them all out in the open. But as I look back, the good over shadowed the bad by a thousand times.
One, I am closer to my younger siblings than I have ever been in my life. We are older, more trusting and connected. We laugh, giggle, and would rather spend the weekends with one another than with our friends. We have had so many breathtaking times that continue to exceed my expectations of what I have always sought after in sibling relationships.
Second, Brian got a job in his career field that has benefited us more than I could have ever anticipated. He is such an incredibly hard worker and as with every job has its difficulties, has seen over them, and knows what’s important and doesn’t let the work drama in every job influence his work, determination and endurance. I am so thankful to have married a man that is such a great provider, example and leader. Also he is going to be a wonderful father. Seeing him with younger children is remarkable. He hasn’t had a lot of experience with children, but as I watch him play, care, and even discipline, he is everything I have ever wanted in a father for my children. Our views are exact on what we expect and understand in child raising.
That brings me to the third and most exciting aspect of the past two years. Children. I always wanted to finish my schooling before having children. It just makes life easier, at least as a women going to school. Brian and I have prayed fasted, prayed and fasted some more for an answer on when the appropriate time would be for us to fulfill our promises to our heavenly father. Once we got our answer, (which is such a pain to wait for, darn patience) we knew it was time. I would be finished with school, Brian had an outstanding job that would allow me to stay home with our child and we were prepared emotionally. I can honestly say I have never felt more prepared and ready for anything ever before in my life after I received this daunting answer. But it didn’t happen as we had hoped. Stupid timeline. I have mine and Heavenly Father has his. I wish I knew his because mine is always off, which tries my patience. Well after months and tears of not understanding his time frame, it happened. We are thrilled, overjoyed and ecstatic. I have always loved children, it’s one of my passions, but when I think of my own, words can’t describe the feelings that overcome me. All the little aspects that I get so excited for are fun. The kicks, the hiccups (which he gets multiple times a day everyday), and the easy pregnancy that I have had thus far makes it fun to talk about. I don’t understand though why others don’t get excited like I do. Especially those close to me. Brian gets ecstatic. I love that. But some don’t. I have a check list in my life. 1 Finish high school. 2 Go to college. 3 Get a good job. 4 Go skydiving. 5 Get married in the temple to a returned missionary. 6 Finish College with my Bachelors. 7 Have a family of my own. Check check check check check check and almost check. I am not trying to brag about all that I have accomplished, but to show that I am a responsible adult and know how to complete the goals I set in my life. Some are fun; some are ones I have worked for my entire life. I am not a failure and I know when the time is right for me to move forward in my life. Each goal I accomplish, I am the first in my family to do so. Each time it’s a new experience for everyone because I am the oldest. New things are scary. But I am prepared and ready, I just hope that others see that and support Brian and me in our adventures. It’s a remarkable feeling knowing that the decision or answer you have been waiting for has been answered. It’s all you can focus on and it’s like a blanket in the cold air. Warm, comforting and safe. It never leaves your side and is always with you.
That was quite the tangent, my apologies. Oh one other thing has happened this year….Max came home. Not only did he come home, but he came home the same…but different. His personality is the same. He has his goofiness, loving, carefree character, but is the best, utmost example for me and more importantly, my younger siblings. They look up to him more than anyone I know and to see what he has done in his life; I know will influence them for the better. It’s amazing, as if he never left. I can talk to him like he has been here the past two years. We vent, laugh, tease and share our deepest thoughts to one another. He has only been home 4 days.
That was a long, mixed up post with a lot of emotions in it. But it’s remarkable at what putting feelings and emotions on paper can do for you. Anyway, there you go.