Girls Night Out....Inside

My adorable cousin Annabelle is a girl. A girly girl. She is 7. I am 3 times her age….right? 7 X 3 is almost 22. She wanted to sleep over, so I sporadically threw together a girls night. Living with four brothers must be challenging for her, but she has a wonderful mom that pampers and makes her feel like a girl should feel…..I was never like that. So we started to plan our night at my kitchen table. We came up with pizza for dinner….we were ravished! Then from there we proceeded to make a gingerbread house, complete with a ladder for the elves to climb to assist in putting up the lights. There were icicles, trees, doors, a stone path way and all detained together with pink frosting. It was a Disney castle in a cloud….Les Mis…oh how I love thee…

From there we ventured up stairs to the warmer area of the house and decided to have a Make Up Over. We weren’t allowed to peak at what the other was prepping to beautify the other with, but if I could say so, I may be looking at cosmetology if this teaching gig doesn’t work out….he he. I looked makeuped up and she looked ravishing….as I think about it more, it may have more to do with her natural beauty then my face painting, but I can dream. The fingers were next. It’s Christmas time; we of course had to use Green and Red.  After I had finished her itty bitty, teeny tiny, way too difficult to paint nicely, nails, she started mine….only to tell me that she has never done this before! Yippee! There was no paint on the carpet or all over our hands so regardless of the state of our nails, I would say it was a success.

On to the board game. I don’t get to play many bored games in my house, Brian says they are called board games because they are boring, but I tend to differ immensely.  We decided Sorry was the game for us that evening. As time went on, I learned that my 7 year old cousin is a stealthy, knowledgeable Sorry player. We decided to put a wager to the game. I know, I start them young, but our wager was the vanilla frosting lip-gloss we had purchased at the store hours prior….obviously I was planning on giving it to her anyway, but now that she knew what was on the line, she was playing with no mercy.  She was remarkable. I enjoyed it more as a teachers stand point. Nerd I know. The way she knew how to add, subtract, we even were dividing….secretly of course, but she was a killa! First game was fun. She won. Second game, I won. 3^rd game….I don’t think she wanted to wait to win any longer. She had to hide the lip-gloss so she could concentrate, and decided I was being way to slow, so played both our parts and gave me the glorious, continual shuffler position. It’s elite. The game was over. She had one….which apparently she continuously does at her abode….blah. We then had a medal ceremony in which I, in discreet humiliation, had to present her with the well deserved award.

The night had run long, I am getting older, and I think I gave her too much sugar. She wanted one more activity, so we rummaged around in my closet for something to do. I found my colored duck tape and the next 40 minutes were spent making beautiful roses, which were finished with a spritz of my perfume to add for the full effect.

It now was time for bed. She brushed her teeth, laid out her pillows, had my lay her blankets in a certain order, left the door partially ajar, and went to sleep. Fun night, kind of makes me want a girl. She was so sweet and fun to play with. 

Bucket List

There are a few things I want to achieve in my mortal life before it’s over. Some I may or may not be able to accomplish, but I am a heavy believer in setting goals. If we don’t have goals, we live each day, without a purpose. Even if our goal for that day is to make it through, then that is a goal and gives you a reason. That sounded a little run together so I am going to proceed with my list of goals, with a mark next to them if they have been accomplished. I also have decided, since I do not keep a journal…I know, I know, I am going to hell for it, that I am going to publish my blog each year in a book. That sort of counts like a journal right? Well who cares, it’s for me, not for you.

Go to Spain.

Go Sky diving.  X

Finish College.

Get my masters degree.

Become a mother.

Run a marathon.

Compete in a triathlon.

Learn to play an instrument, preferable the piano.

Own my own library.

Be a librarian. The hot kind.

Go to an NFL football game, preferably the Patriots.

Meet Mia Hamm.

Learn to Ice Skate backwards.

Stay up for 24 hours.

Go on a trek.

Own a cabin.

Shoot something with my bow.

Sleep in a snow cave.

Write a children’s book. X

Move out of Utah for a while.

Win a drawing with a cash prize.

Survive student teaching.

Learn to like broccoli….this may never happen.

Learn to sew.

Own a motorcycle.

Finish Les Miserables.

Get married in the temple. X

Learn to be crafty.

Speak another language.

Kind of dumb to end on number 29 right? Well if you have more to add, then do it. It’s too late for me to think of anymore so I will add them as time goes on. Thanks and good night.

Sisters

I glance briefly at my phones screen. 1 missed call. 4 missed texts. I guess I should head home. My eyes wonder towards the clock. 2 A.M. Where did the time go?

The Ingram home.
It’s my 2nd home.
We have always been close. She is my older sister…well that’s how I consider her. When I was younger, I was her shadow…shadows don’t leave. Now that I am older, nothing has changed, except our relationship has grown even stronger. I tell her things I don’t mention to anyone else. Brian always has to tow me away from the doorframe when we babysit, otherwise we would talk into eternity. She has always been the one I have looked up to. Being the oldest child and grandchild, I only had my aunts and uncles to look up to.
Maybe it’s the closeness”ish” in age or that we both have similar personalities, but we have always had a connection. I have that bond with all of my aunts, but there is something different with Martha. We talk on a weekly basis and if I don’t visit their home in a timely manner it feels like eternity. Brian hasn’t ever had a deep relationship like I do with all my aunts and uncles so it took him some time to get acquainted to the style and closeness I share, but he was bewildered with Martha’s and my relationship. He soon was able to sneak into that shared rapport.
She is such a warm, hospitable person and wants to make sure everyone feels welcomed. I look at her life and all the stories and events she has been through growing up and today and marvel at her strength. I find myself comparing my life and future life to hers and hoping to emulate even a morsel aspect of her life in mine. I remember in the 2nd grade, I think it was the 2nd grade; we had to pick a person to bring to a presentation and show and tell that person to the class and all the other adults. I remember standing there, with Martha next to me, bragging about her to my whole class and giving her a picture and an essay I had written all about her. I felt like no one could one up me when it came to presenting my best friend.
Countless times I have been asked to hang out with friends, but I freely turn them down because I have either made a play date with her kids, or we were just hanging out. Out of all the characteristics I admire from Martha, the one that I truly hope to imitate is her child raising skills. She seriously needs to write a book. I can’t put it into words how much I respect her patience, though she doesn’t need much with her incredible children. I don’t know how she does it, or what she puts in her children’s food, but they know what NO is and what it means, and obedience soothes out of their pores. I may be exaggerating, but not much. Not much at all.
Ok, I lied there are other characteristics I appreciate, and one of the others, is her mature, fun, loving nature. She isn’t the aunt that lets you get away with anything you want. She isn’t the mean, strict aunt. She is the aunt that will take care of you without question, and have fun doing it. She is always excited to hear good news when you have it, and when you have a question or concern, her ears are open to listen and her advice is honest and caring.
The four years she was in Canada were terribly harsh. I don’t just mean the weather, but it was like my best friend had moved forever. If there comes a next time, Brian and I will be moving with her and her family. I couldn’t go without seeing her for that long again. Luckily for now, she lives just minutes from me. Hope it stays that way for a while. Love ya Martha!

Classically Conditioning Children

I am not a mother. I haven’t raised any children. I am the eldest child and grandchild. I have been around children my entire life. Although I haven’t had the full blown experience yet, I feel that I would do a fairly good job, at raising children. I know how often people say, “I will do this, or I will not do that” when they talk about raising children, and how often their perception, logic and methods change when the child is screaming bloody murder, and you haven’t had a decent night’s sleep for months, but I have witnessed a few things, and need to vent about them.

Again, I am not an expert when it comes to children, I don’t know that any one can say they are a professional, because children are so dynamic, it becomes quite difficult to know all there is about them.
I do see things day to day that I am appalled at, and vow not to do…that is, until I have one of my own, who is to say I will change my mind. So this is an opinion and comment if you would like and share experiences.
Screaming in the grocery store- I was sitting at my desk and a mother with 5 children came inside. There were 2 boys, ages 12 and 10 (all these age’s are ish) 3 girls, ages 17, 5 and 3. The three year old girl was screaming her head off, as she was sitting in the basket section of the grocery cart. She kept standing up and sitting down and convulsing her body for attention. The mother told her to be quite. She didn’t stop. Then the mother said she would give her a treat if she would be quite. The girl stopped. The family left for 5 minutes, and when they came back, all 6 of them had a treat. But the treat wasn’t a sucker or a candy bar. They each had a package. A package of licorice, a big bag of m and m’s ect. I was appalled. Three things. Let her scream. She is screaming because you have conditioned her that when she screams, she gets rewarded. Most people in this world are understanding and have had experience with children before, so they aren’t going to think you are a terrible mom for letting her whine. If you have to, go somewhere else and let her gripe. 2nd thing, I wanted to smack that 17 year old. I understand you are a teenager, but grow up and help your mother. She has more on her hands than she can handle, and to see her with 5 children and you are old enough to help and you don’t, that’s just embarrassing. Take the screaming child to the car or for a walk. Don’t be a lazy ass. 3rd thing. Really mom!!! I can understand the treat thing….periodically. I myself remember getting a treat if we behaved at the grocery store. My mom did it sneakily. She would say maybe she would give us a treat, but even if we were good, sometimes we wouldn’t get one. Don’t condition them to a result if they behave a certain way. But to reward their clandestine behavior with more treats than Brian and I have in our home??? That’s ludicrous and abusive. Think for two seconds about what you are portraying.
Not sleeping- This one I had a hard time deciding if I wanted to write about because there are so many theories, and again, I haven’t been a mom that is up multiple times a night with a screaming child. But here you go; my thoughts. There becomes a point, where the child learns he or she needs to act someway and you will cave in. Then it becomes the child training and molding the parent. This starts young, very young. Newborns are much needier and require more attention than even a six month old. Now stop! I didn’t say to leave your child unattended in the car or at a social event at the age of 6 months, I just mean, you will be up in the middle of the night with your newborn…and you will be up training them, and getting them on a schedule. You are the parent, they are the child. Set a schedule for them. And when they are older, for heaven sakes, don’t rush to their immediate side at every whimper. As a parent, you know their language. You know what cry means what. Unless they are hurt, sick, hungry or need their diaper changed….and you will know each cry, they are all different, let them cry. If it’s time for bed, and they have eaten and been cleaned, just let them cry. I know it’s hard, but they aren’t hurt, it’s not hurting them, the second you pick them up and hold them, just to stop them from crying, you are doomed. They have trained you. That’s harsh I know. I am not going to be a terrible mother, and I know each child is different, so this is based on the majority, and majority of the time, they will cry for a while the first little bit, and eventual will learn that when you put them in their crib and close the door, it’s time to go to bed.
Tell them no- I have an aunt, she has 5 children. They are literally the most well behaved children I have ever met, and I have met my fair share of children. I don’t know how she does it. She is extremely patient, loving and I want her to raise my children.  One of the biggest reasons’ I think they are so well behaved, is because they know what no means. As soon as they can crawl, she will tell them no when she doesn’t want them touching something or going somewhere. I am at her house often, and she has the most adorable 14 month old in the world. Literally, the worlds, most adorable, most well behaved child in the world. He is starting to walk now, and she sets up situations for him to get into that she doesn’t want him to do…basically she sets him up so she can tell him no. And he knows what no means. He will try 2 or three times to “grab that statue” and each time she says no, he looks at her, frowns, and tries again. After the third time, he will stop, and go on with his playing. Mission accomplished. He doesn’t go try to grab that statue, the rest of the time I am there! Remarkable. And it only took 5 minutes out of her day. You aren’t being mean or cruel; you are raising a well behaved, respectful, obedient child. Do it. And be consistent. Just because you have said no 20 times, doesn’t mean you can say yes once. If you don’t want them to do something, tell them no. The theory that if you don’t say no, they won’t say no to you is ludicrous. Every child will tell their parents no sometime in their life, its part of life. And for heaven’s sakes, don’t ignore the behavior. There comes a time when you ignore tantrums or crying, but don’t ignore behavior you don’t want.
Universal obedience- There is no bond like a child and mother connection. The child will innately want to be soothed and in the mother’s arms. But, and especially if you have a big family, the child needs to learn that there are others that can soothe and that they need to obey in this world. It teaches them future respect for adults, teachers and anyone else in an authoritative position. Yes this starts young. Kids are smart. Very smart. I am going to use my incredible aunt as an example again. Last weekend, my husband and I went down to Provo…ugh…for a wedding reception. My entire family was going down and I was excited because it had been about a week and a half since I had seen my aunt and her cute family. We all arrived at the same time; it wasn’t planned, and walked in together. I immediately held her little boy, whom, I was informed, was grumpy and just wanted his mom. Well, she had 4 other children to watch over, so instead I took him for the whole night. We danced together, went through the line together, and ate together, which is another subject in itself. Don’t force them to eat. They will eat when they are hungry. He was just fine. His mother hadn’t seen her cousins (that’s whose wedding we were ate) in years and wanted to really catch up so I was more than willing to take him. He didn’t scream and whine, and maybe it’s because he knows who my husband and I are so he behaves for us, or maybe it’s because he is a super calm baby, but he didn’t change his behavior because I was watching him instead of his mom. That’s how all her children are. Very respectful of adults and rules.
Sorry for the rant and the raving. I know, I know, you are probably wanting to call or speak to me face to face to tell me why you do something that I think is wrong. Go ahead. I want to read opinion. Just don’t think I am a mean, horrible, terrible, dirty rotten person.

Hula-Hoop Hatred

It was a dim, chilly evening. I had just arrived home, from a day of unrest. He was exhausted from an even longer day of turmoil and strife. Yet we found ourselves entertained with exhilarating, stomach aching fun…. We were watching America’s Funniest Home Videos. The winner that evening was a 18 month boy who could hula hoop with the best of them. It was incredible. It was almost like driving past a horrific car accident. You know you should look away, but you just can’t. I felt weird, gawking at this baby for so long, but I couldn’t turn away.

How’s that for a preamble to a vent session?
Hula hoops….hoops…..school….torture!

I just finished my last semester of formal schooling. The next 5 months will be consumed with no time for family. No time for fun. No time for church….ok maybe I can make time for church, but my time will be utterly devoted to teaching your children….for free! You’re welcome. That topic is for a different time. This is an assertion of my own, and others can chime in as they please, hatred of hoops. Hoops we must jump, hop, crawl, and dive through, to earn that expensive piece of paper that will be glamorously framed and tossed in a box in the basement for decades to come.
My house has been void of cleanliness, food, and milk for the past 2 weeks. My bedroom floor has been festooned with recycled paper with assessments, formal and summative, plastered over its surface. Lesson plans haunt me in my dreams; students appear from smoke with horns protruding through their craniums, and my own thoughts are so sporadic, I am fortunate if I don’t wear the same outfit two days in a row.
12/1/10… A week before the day that will live in infamy, is a day far from infamy for me. It was on this day, I turned in my last assignment before I will be student teaching, and let me tell you what!, it was quite….uneventful. I thought it would be more thrilling, but it wasn’t. I have jumped through all the hoops….and there were a lot….and I still don’t have a sense of gratification. Maybe it will come in 5 months, but as of yet, all those stupid assignments, papers, lesson plans that are so detailed, there is no way to use them in my actual teaching, observations, reflections and anything else I spent my time doing, have been in the way and I am glad to have the majority out of sight and out of mind.
Yet as my anger subsides, I have realized that those damn hoops weren’t as bad as I thought and I may actually use some of those assignments in my near future….some of them. Still I stand by my original argument, most of what I spent doing the past 5 years has been, “You tell me to jump, and I ask you how high.” I am glad it’s near it’s end.