Stuck in Mud

I am stuck. I am not a teacher. I am not a mom. I have a job that I just work at but don’t contribute to society. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to get up every day and go to work. I know we are all supposed to be “glad we just have a job” but come on. I want to contribute to society. Maybe it’s me being a selfish child…I hate that saying, children are often more selfless than adults….maybe it’s me being a selfish adult but the exhilarating feeling of worth the succumbs me when I have made a difference to someone’s life is similar to the thrill I get when I ride the White Rollercoaster. I think that’s why I love teaching. It’s challenging, worthwhile and the payback is better than any paycheck I could receive. People often say teachers don’t go into teaching for the money, and that differently has to be true. It’s so much more than that. Right now, I am stuck. I like the feeling of progress. Knowing that what I am doing is contributing to something much bigger, yet to be seen. Work doesn’t give that to me. It’s the same old same old. I have patience for children that surely surpasses that patience I have for adults. So often times, my patience runs out and flat out, just makes me ornery. I am not an ornery individual, and I use to be a free willing, person. I am not that right now. I have 8 months left of school. 10 months till my brother comes home, and I hope things will change by then, but for now I am stuck. I usually can work through difficult times with no problem. I don’t usually get stressed out and can take on plate load by plate load but now it seems like at any minute I might drop those plates. I don’t have anything heavy on them but my patience is so worn from work it just might snap. I need a vacation and I need it fast.