An Altered Excursion

If you know me even a miniscule amount, you know that my second home would be the mountains. I love everything about them and camping in them makes the experience of nature even more mystic. The tent, dew, cot, mattress, cool morning air, evergreen scented breeze, campfire, Dutch oven, greasy pancakes, dirt under your fingernails, bug spray, lemonade, out houses, fishing, books, oh the books, hot dogs, mallows, hats, no mirrors and yes, no Facebook. It’s my paradise beyond all stated utopias that are available. My dream spot, as stated if you follow previous posts, #16 Moosehorn campsite in the Uintahs.

The past 6 days, Brian and I spent our time in a slightly different location. Strawberry. It was pleasant, but not the cool, long sleeved weather I was hoping for. The bugs were horrendous, but as I have said, that’s part of the experience so I could deal with it. It was hotter than camping should be, but cooler than O town, so I coped. Fire building was different also. That’s where my vent comes in….
I am 8 months pregnant. I hiked Martins Cove a month ago and granted was more tired than usual but kept pace with everyone and survived. Camping should be no big deal…but it was so much harder than I had imagined. I try not to complain a lot because it bothers the poop out of me when people grumble, but sometimes its ok I found. I am extremely uncomfortable and have this sensation of annoyance when people say they love being pregnant. Granted I have had the easiest pregnancy in the world. Not sure if that’s because my pain tolerance is pretty high, I don’t make a big deal about stupid things, or if it really has just been super easy, but I still have not loved it. Actually, I can say I loathe being pregnancy. Maybe it’s the selfish side of me coming out, but I am thinking, only once more is all I can take. Don’t get me wrong, I have never wanted more than to be a mother. I cry when I watch shows with children, I have been groomed to be a mother and on this pedestal, believe I will be a pretty good one. I can’t wait to hold Zach in my arms. But that’s where it ends. I want him out of me. I want my old jeans back. I want to wear my wedding ring again. I want this water in my body to drain. I want to sit without falling into my chair. I want to get out of that same chair using my legs and stomach muscles instead of my arms lifting me up. I want to be able to lean over and start a fire in a comfortable position rather than attempting to squat and fall in (yeah, still started the fire though). I couldn’t sit in those darn camping chairs for more than 10 minutes without wanting to scream, I about fell backwards every time I got out of one; I had to pee every hour, in the woods…awesome. I wanted to hike and explore, but Brian didn’t want to rush me to the hospital and it was uncomfortable so the longest I hiked was 2 miles on a dirt road. The drive in was extremely bumping and I was having a Braxton hicks contraction the whole time in…it took 45 minutes on that road to find our camp spot. I wasn’t much help setting up camp cause Brian is cautious at letting me lift anything heavy or putting too much effort out. I felt totally and completely helpless and it drove me to insanity. Plus I didn’t get to fish, so it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Sunday I had a meltdown. I went to bed early, just to lay there because it’s impossible to sleep and Brian came in to check on me. I cried, told him I wanted to be done and I wanted my old body back. He held me and just let me cry. Didn’t try to fix it, he just held me and stroked my head. It’s amazing and what just a hug can do. He knew he couldn’t fix anything, but can’t say he knows how I feel so just being held was the perfect remedy. All in all, I still had a blast. It was a different camping experience and I was able to spend a lot of great time with my mother in law. We just talked and talked and read our books while the men hunted. Enjoyed the outdoors and the break from the day to day gung ho. Now that it’s over, Oct 13th seems so much closer. I still want to be done and have him here though. I am tired of everything hurting, even down to my fingers, but I have 6 weeks left. Pray for me…